4 Months Home

We have been home with Meghan 4 months now. I feel like things are pretty calm around here, little bumps, lots of growth. But it seems like I don't really have anything to post about. I don't have any pressing issues to discuss, nothing.

Meghan is still having some control issues, but nothing major and honestly, nothing different than a normal home grown kid has. She doesn't whine or grumble NEARLY as much as my other kids. I am sure that will come though as she assimilates into our American culture. She is always up for getting out of the house, no matter where we are going, on any meaningless errand. That girl is a goer!

She is sleeping really well. Always has. In her own bed, in her own room. All night long.

She likes school. I don't know how much she is getting out of it though. But I think they just taught her syllables because now she claps as she says some words. I can't even count how many words she has. She has some pretty good sentences too. I usually won't grant her request unless she uses a sentence.

She loves playing outside. This girl is a Tomboy. She loves sports and wants to play on the teams that her brothers are on. Last weekend she got to hit balls in the batting cages with Daddy and Christian.

She is doing a good job for the most part with the stranger affection. I still have to watch her though. A lot of it I blame on well meaning but ignorant adults. Of course they want to hug the poor little orphan. They have no clue about the issues confronting post institutionalized children. This is very frustrating because sometimes I don't have time to educate these people as I am pulling my daughter off their laps. They think it is sweet that she is sitting on their laps. People tell me how sweet and affectionate Meghan is. I am revulsed by it. I see it as unhealthy and her biggest indicator of attachment disorder. Other people think I am mean and crazy for telling her not to sit on their laps. They don't realize how IMPORTANT healthy attachment is, and how hard it is to develope. If kids do not ever develop healthy attachments to their parents they will not be able to have significant relationships as adults. Attachment disorders can lead to borderline personalities. I don't think Meghan's attachment disorder is too severe, however, I want to help her bond to us. I wish there was some way to educate the public on this topic. The problem is, is that we spend so much time with our bio - normally attached children trying to get them to be more assertive and more independant. How many times have we encouraged our bio kids to answer the lady in the grocery store who is speaking to them, or to say hello to so and so. We even encourage our kids to give hugs to certain people. Why do we do this? Because our kids wouldn't hug that stranger otherwise because they are shy, self conscience, hiding behind their Mom, whatever. Our normally attached children expect their Mothers and Father's to take care of them, provide for them, protect them. They do not see a benefit from hugging a stranger who represents uncertainty to them.

So now, when these same people see Meghan engaging in this behavior they don't see it as a problem. There is no affection in Meghan's hugs to these people. It is manipulation and a survival technique. Kids like Meghan have had multiple care givers and thus never developed a healthy bond to any one person. She never knew who would be providing her next meal. She never knew who would be there when she woke up. So she views every adult as a potential caregiver and if she can wrap this person around her finger then so much the better for her. So it is not sweet when she hugs a stranger, it is sad.

Enough of my attachment disorder rant. Like I said, Meghan is becoming more attached to us daily. She seeks us out now when she scrapes her knees. She used to just pick herself up and continue playing after she fell. She used to never cry when she got hurt. She is starting to rely on us a little for comfort. And we are able to touch her more and hug her more. She loves to be carried.

Here are some things that I have noticed about Meghan this last month:

She is very good at learning songs, especially one's with hand motions. (you should see her rendition of "Jesus Loves Me" now).

She is starting to sound out words to read.

She is talking about her friends at school.

She wants to be part of the conversations.

She loves to play basketball.

She can't keep a bow in her hair.

She is thoughtful of other people.

She loves to be helpful, especially carrying grocery bags.

She discovered Barney and LOVES him. Of course, there are kids singing on the show.

She is pretty well behaved. Hardly anymore tantrums or catatonic looks.