I know, I know...

I know that it has been too long since my last post. I just haven't known what to write about. I do not feel like writing about my nightmare with Social Security trying to get Meghan's card. Yes I know, they are supposed to come automatically. Yes, we requested one with all her immigration documents. Don't get me started on the bureaucratic nightmare of government bureaucracy (the MAIN reason I am against Government Healthcare, but see, here I go off on my rant that I did not want to go off on. Ok, reeling it back in.... In a nutshell let me just say, we have to do the re adoption if we want to get a Social Security Card. Now, re adoption is not required in our state. I shouldn't need to do this to get her card. In fact EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY other adoptive family I know around here got their kid's cards without re adoption. The lawyer I talked to today even agreed. Never mind, I'm ranting again.

I don't feel like talking about the re adoption, because I could do it myself but our stupid county rejects all petitions without a lawyer even though our State allows for parents to file the paperwork. Not to mention that in my former life I was an attorney though not licensed in my current state. Ranting again.

So what it boils down to is that I have been busy around here jumping through hoops and getting nowhere and forced to spend more money. Please don't mention taxes to me.

So let me change gears and talk about Meghan.

We had our 2nd Post Placement visit last Friday. It went really well. She said she saw a big difference in Meghan from last time. Calmer, more settled. We see it too.

But, there is something that I will talk about. It is sadness. People always talk about the grieving that adopted children go through - but Meghan never did. She (literally) ran out of the orphanage and never looked back. I reflect back on how she was and I think that her only emotions back then were basic, primal even. Hunger, Sleep, Attention, Wants. That was it. But now she is settled. I think she is feeling things now that she was not able to be in touch with before. Developmentally speaking, I think that she was stunted, stuck developmentally as a small baby. But so much has changed for her, I won't say she is healed, not nearly, but I think that she is feeling things that she never recognized before. Maybe I am way off, this is just my theory.

I had out all her documents to take to Social Security (for the 2nd time, don't get me started on it again...), and she saw them. She said "Taiwan?" I told her those were all her important papers from Taiwan. She asked me if she was going back. I said no, our family is here. You live here with Mommy and Daddy and your brothers, and then she got sad. This sort of surprised me, I was expecting relief. But she said that she wanted to go to Taiwan. Now mind you her English is very broken and half the time (no, all of the time) she says she wants something that she really doesn't. So not really sure what she was thinking or feeling. But I just told her that we love her and we would be sad if she went back. I think she was trying to say that we would all go back. I think that she was missing how easy things were for her in Taiwan. No language barrier, no communication frustrations, no rules, no expectations. She seems really happy here, she always says she loves us, all of us. Lots of affection.

I've seen other little glimpses of sadness. We were driving in the car and my 12 year old tweener had on Katy Perry's Hot and Cold song, you know the one. Normally Meghan would be singing along loudly (in Chinglish) and waving her hands and dancing. Instead she started yelling "NO!" Then broke down in tears. She is now crying all the time. I think she has discovered that crying is bringing attention, another developmental milestone that our biological children reached at what... 8 hours old?

So I feel like she is zooming through these developmental milestones. I don't know if it is good. I feel like her developmental stage is fluid. I feel like every week we resolve one issue only to discover a new one. Right now its the crying. If someone says grace at the dinner table and it isn't her out come the tears. Probably, next week it will be something else.

For now, we are learning to deal with the crying. I tell her, if she cries she won't get a storybook at bedtime. She LOVES the Three Billy Goats Gruff, so she pretty much stops crying. But I will admit there have been a few nights without a book at bedtime. Time will eventually work this out...I hope.