I just spent a few minutes rereading a lot of my older posts about Meghan and adoption. What a joke. I can't tell you how many times I said something to the effect of "we've turned a corner" or "no more testing" or "she no longer is having temper tantrums and is well behaved" or, oh yes, this one is a real peach. I actually said that the battles were over and I had won. My only comment is...
How delusional can a person get???
Ok, let me clarify. When I said those things it was merely a snapshot in time. Very fluid time. She still tests, battles and has temper tantrums. The corner that we supposedly turned is more like a giant curve and we are still turning it.
Generally speaking, Meghan is much better behaved than when we met her. (Although if you had seen her running and screaming through Taipei 101 you would say that anything would be better). However, she is no where near where I would like her to be. But, most of her behaviors that really drive me crazy are things that aren't necessarily willful, more like impulsive and inappropriate, and she just hasn't caught on yet to what is ok to do.
Like interrupting conversations. I am having a hard time teaching her about interrupting a conversation that I am having with another adult. The problem is, that when my bio kids used to interrupt they were interrupting to speak to me, ask a question or whine about something. I would usually hold a finger out to them indicating to wait, that I hear them, but that I would be right with them. When Meghan interrupts she is interrupting to say some nonsensical thing in bad, heavy accented English to the other adult. I might be talking to the repairman and she will interrupt to tell him that "Ryan is at the pool." Now, not only can the other adult not understand what she is saying, the other adult typically will stop our conversation, bend down to her level and try to figure out what she said. So then Meghan has succeeded in drawing attention to herself and interrupting the conversation. Because even telling her not to interrupt is still letting her interrupt. See the dilemma?
I can do all the talking beforehand that I want. I can talk to her until the cows come home. I can go on and on about interrupting, or not hugging strangers, or not taking your shoes off in class, or not lifting up your dress nearly over your head to ask your Sunday school teacher to scratch your back during Bible lesson time. But she still has no self control in the moment. She knows the rules and what is expected of her. But is she just unable to follow them? Does she forget? Is it willful? I really can't figure this out.
We were out on some friends' boat the other night. We told her she could not go up on the bow. We told her at least 3 times. We told her she had to stay in the back with us, or in the cabin. So about 30 minutes later she asks the 13 year old son of our friends (if I remember correctly, she interrupted him to ask...) if she could go up on the bow. Right in front of us. We just looked at her and said "Meghan? He's not your Dad or your Mom." She still isn't getting that we are in charge. She still shops for her answers. How long does it take for these things to change?
I have more stories but I will save them for another day.
i don't typically post comments on people's blogs who don't know me but in stumbling upon your blog I realized you might benefit from my own experiences with my children. :) I have twin ten year old boys who do similar behaviors to what you just described. They are not adopted and they are sweet, loving, sensitive kids. In our case, they were struggling in school from lack of focus, having poor impulse control (random things like your examples), and not seeming to "listen" to us when spoken to. I realized early on their behaviors probably had something to do with ADHD since their Dad has it. I personally am very hesitant to medicate children but the teachers at my kids school asked me to consider it. They were also sweet and kind but had the hardest time doing school work. Their Doctor put them on an extended release low dose (10 mg) Ridalin pill each day. I can tell you now I wonder how I ever survived without it. The kids are so happy when they do well in school and I love their calm behaviors. Also, my sons have "Oppositional Defiant Disorder." It often comes along with ADHD. Basically the diagnosis is they don't listen to others authority/advice because their mind is already made up about what they are going to do. They are so stuck on doing something they can't even hear us telling them not to. I have found the medicine does double duty and helps with this. But even more than that, we have to stop them and make eye contact before telling them what we expect from them. If I try and talk to them while they are not looking at me, they cannot even hear me. So, I don't know if any of this info will help you or not. I hope it does because it has made my kids so much happier and socially acceptable. Your family is darling. Thanks for letting me share my insights with you. :)
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