This Is The Little Girl

This is the little girl that I had hoped to meet 12 months ago on that rainy afternoon in Taipei. This little girl is calm and secure. This little girl knows what a family is. This little girl knows what it means to have expectations placed on her.

This little girl is not desperate. This little girl knows that when she says good night to her family at bedtime that we will all be there the next day when she wakes up. This little girl knows that there will always be enough food. This little girl knows that her parents will take care of her needs. This little girl is learning what love is.








She is the opposite of the little girl we met on that rainy afternoon in Taipei.

November 18, 2010 Day One of our new family.

I've said it many times in the last few weeks as people remember that we just had our one year anniversary. If only Meghan had been like she is now, when she came home.

November 17, 2010 - The Day We Met- Our Trip to a Taipei McDonald's

It just seems that the first year home we had to go back to square one and wallow through all the muck of deconditioning Meghan from her orphanage behaviors. But not just orphanage behaviors, more like orphan behaviors. Behaviors that stem from not trusting anyone to take care of you. And behaviors that stem from never having a positive adult role model. Learned behaviors from being over indulged by random volunteers at the orphanage. And behaviors that stem from never wanting to please anyone but yourself (because you never had anyone that you ever wanted to please).

November 17, 2010 - At the McDonald's, only Meghan has gotten up from our table to go sit with strangers- teenagers. See that look in her eye?

I can say this now, because things are always clearer looking back, but I did not expect her to be as unhealthy emotionally as she was. We took all the classes and I knew in my mind what to expect. But it was shocking when we met her how detached from affection she was. Anyone looking at her would say she was very affectionate because she readily went to anyone for hugs, to be picked up, to be tickled and played with. But it was so superficial. It was desperate. And that is the horrible thing about adoption, no matter how healthy and non-special needs a child is- all children who have been institutionalized are special needs. I have heard people singing the praises of Chung Yi, and Taiwan as genuinely caring about the orphans. I'm sorry, but I don't see it that way. Yes, compared to other countries and maybe even the U.S., they are better, but these kids are damaged by not having parents. Chung Yi is no substitute for a Mom and a Dad. Not even close.

So now that she has been home a year I feel that she is just now entering the phase where we can begin to teach her how to grow up to be a healthy member of society. I feel like we are finally at the point where we are undoing way less than we are doing. Sort of like we aren't having to take away the bad behaviors as much as we are now adding the good behaviors. Does that make sense?

So earlier when I said that I wished that when she came home she was more like she is now, this is what I meant. Foolishly, this is where I thought we would be starting with her a year ago. I had no clue that we would spend a year washing away all the old just to be able to start with the new. Meghan is no where near perfect, - who is? But she is beginning to think about what we have taught her (repeatedly) and actually altering her behaviors accordingly (occasionally). We know that we need to keep teaching and keep reinforcing because she can so easily slip back.

It is so nice to see her little personality emerge. She really is a sweet girl. She still has her moments but they are fewer and further between.