We are not going to be adopting Meghan's brother and sister. But another family is!!! We came very close to sending in the paperwork, we had it all filled out and we had a financial donor that would get us at least 2/3 the way through the adoption without any additional fundraising. All things pointed toward going forward. But something kept holding us back. We kept hesitating. Finally Tom and I came to the decision that this was not something that our family was ready for, and within a day, another family had come forward. Miracle! I thought that we were those kids' last hope. They had been waiting for years, YEARS. So I am so happy to say that hopefully within a year those two will be home! Yea!
I guess that is the reason that I have been absent from this blog. I didn't know how to come on here and say we couldn't move forward with the siblings. I felt such an obligation to them.
In other news, Meghan turned 7. And is acting like a 4 year old more than ever. Total regression. Lots of crying. ALL THE TIME. She seems to be unable to follow a simple direction without supervision. She can tell you what the rule is, or what she is supposed to be doing, but can't seem to do it! I believe this is fairly common with other older adoptees, but it can be so frustrating! I am so tired of having to be "on" all the time. Lately I feel like it isn't fun. I get annoyed that it has to be so much work all the time. And then I thought, "what if we just stopped correcting her and let her act the way she wants. What if we just put her in public school and fed her and clothed her and just waited until she turned 18 and then said good luck. Go get a job or go to school." What would happen to her. Because legally we could do that. And I see plenty of people do that with their biological kids. But there is no way we could ever do that. That is not parenting, instead, that's what she had before she had a family. And that is why she is like what she is now. So every time I get to feel that way, I remind myself that it isn't her fault that she was neglected for so many years. That her "quality" of care was simply ensuring she had food and clothing and had a safe place to sleep at night. Now instead of feeling frustration with her I try to look at her as the sweet little girl who tries so hard to please us and needs our love and guidance. Because she really is sweet. She is just damaged and hurt and still, a year and half later, has so much healing ahead of her. So we trudge on and hopefully soon we will be having fun.
So happy that Meghan's siblings have found a home! I know that was a hard decision for you. Will you be able to keep in touch with that family, by any chance?? I hope so!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that after all this time you feel that you are not able to have fun and enjoy Meghan. That is just heartbreaking. Have you considered going to a post adoption counselor perhaps, that deals with children who have RAD or PTSD effects? She might be experiencing some of those issues since you have been posting about what a hard time you are having with her issues for quite some time. I imagine Meghan knows that you are frustrated with her too but cannot make a change to please you due to her brain not firing correctly, due to past trauma, i.e. lack of stimuli and nurture. If a child has one of these disorders such as RAD or PTSD, they cannot change their behavior willfully no matter how frustrated an adult is with them or tells them again and again how to do things correctly. It takes much time and particular therapy, repetition and security and acceptance. Even then, they sometimes don't get it right.
I pray you are able to help bring Meghan to her full sense of security and ability to reason things out. She is such a beautiful and sweet girl.
So happy to see this post! Been wondering about the situation with Meghan' sibs and am so happy that you have peace and they have a family-God is so good!
ReplyDeleteHang in there with Meghan. It is hard. We have been struggling with our oldest son who turns 18 in December (adopted from foster care at age 6). Older adoptees have their own demons to fight, that's for sure. And it may take them years--even beyond their time at home--to accomplish that. But we continue to provide security and love--albeit tough love at times--and more then anything, prayer. God is able!
Happy Birthday, Meghan!!
Have you heard of the book "Beyond Consequences logic and control"? She might need a more attachment style of parenting with gentle discipline (not sure how you discipline her- just saying if you parent the "traditional" way she might need something different)
ReplyDeleteMy name is Jenna, Megan you are a brave, courageous fighter and an inspiration. You are a beautiful princess Your brother's are handsome prince's. You are all a special miracle from god, a gift from above, and earthly angel'. Megan you are a smilen hero.
ReplyDeleteI was born with a rare life threatening disease, and have 14 other medical conditions, and developmental delays.
I wrote this poem
Each of us are Special
Each of us different,
No one is the same
Each of are us are unique in our own way,
Those of us who have challenges, we smile through our day.
It doesen't matter what other's say
we are special anyway.
What is forty feet and sings? the school chior
http [:/] /www.miraclechamp.webs.com
Michele, hope you all had a great back to school for the kids! I know it has been so busy with these bunches, so just thought I would stop by and say Hi!
ReplyDelete