Today I finally got some questions answered. We had submitted questions back in May and I think they got lost in cyberspace or something. But after a little prodding on my part our agency resubmitted them and the answers came back today. I was so excited to get them. Any information about Meghan is like oxygen to me. I have to have it!
The answers for the most part were good and very encouraging. I had asked about her birth family, whether there was any contact. The answers I got back really moved me. Adoption is so emotional on so many levels. On the surface is the excitement and anticipation that everyone feels while awaiting a birth or arrival of a new child. All the planning and dreaming about your child. All the joy. It's excitement and happiness and contentedness and love all rolled into one.
Below that is an emotion that birth parents feel as well as adoptive parents, just in different forms. It's the fear that creeps in during those moments when your faith waivers. While a birth parent worries about the health of their baby, adoptive parents worry about judges and pre-approvals and court dates and dossiers and I-600's. That is the emotions of adoption that I have been battling lately. Right next to that is the emotion of anticipation and impatience (once again, an emotion that rears up when your faith in God's perfect timing falters).
But today, (and a few weeks ago, but that's another story) I found myself experiencing an emotion which I have heard other adoptive parents discuss but have never felt. It is the emotion of grief for the loss suffered by the birth family. I found myself grieving for these people who are losing their child. In reality, she hasn't been in their lives for almost all of her own little life. But they still do love her and care about her. I cannot imagine... no I can't even think about what it would be like to have one of my children taken from me or relinquished. I want to assure them that Meghan will be treasured and cherished. That we will provide for her in the best way possible. That we will always love her and never leave her. I want to thank them for loving her and caring for her.
I am such an emotional wreck. I usually am such a rational, level headed, logical person. I was the only girl in my sorority who didn't cry at candlelight ceremonies. If my friends could see me now....
You are so right that we get caught up in the joy of a new child and we sometimes need to be reminded of another's loss. Even if they chose to do it this way, there must be tremendous emotion to go through. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAdoption is an emotional rollercoaster, I agree. I, too, have thought often of the decision birth parents must make, and how hard it must be for so many of them. Every adoption is comprised of gain and loss, on many levels. Glad you were able to get some more info, and praying your daughter comes home soon!
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