Stress, Happy Puppies and Bubble Wrapped Children

Last week I asked Tom to describe Meghan in three words. Three adjectives. I came up with my three, then he came up with his three. One of his words was "naive." One of mine was "careless." Then we talked about it and we decided that we both meant basically the same thing. Naive in the sense that she has no idea that things in this world could hurt her. Careless in the sense that she could blunder into a situation without thinking of the consequences. Then we began talking about why she is like that. It's like she had spent her previous life bubble wrapped from the world.

So we put on the video we took the day we met her in Chung Yi. She was manic, wild, stubborn, willful, pouty, LOUD, and kind of bratty. If I ever saw a kid acting like that here, I would definitely think that the parents needed serious lessons in discipline. I 100% blame the orphanage. I know, I know, the caretakers are doing the best they can, I should be thanking them for taking such wonderful care of Meghan. Ok, then how come the child I see in the video is unrecognizable from the child sleeping in her pink bedroom down the hall, after only 8 months? I don't get it.

Her orphanage reports said that she lacked life experiences. They weren't kidding. Little things that we take for granted, that we never dreamed that we would ever have to teach someone, she needs to be taught. Maybe kids who grow up in foster care fare better in this way. But Meghan apparently never had a role model. I don't mean a role model that teaches you to make good decisions or that inspires you to excel. I mean a role model that teaches you how close to stand next to someone when you have a conversation with someone. A role model that teaches you not to point at people with disabilities or different colored skin than you have. A role model that teaches you not to hold your genitals in public. A role model that teaches you not to go sit on teen age boys laps at Mc Donalds. A role model that basically teaches you how to function in society. Is orphanage living so adverse that these basic things can not be taught? Or maybe they tried to teach her but she didn't care at all what they said and did what she wanted.

She was very self absorbed (was??) when we met her. If she saw something she wanted she would act without thinking. She would go get the object, never mind any obstacles in her way. She would step on things, break things and never even notice she was standing on them. I can't tell you the number of times I had to tell her to get off my foot. She would just stand on it. Couldn't she tell she was standing on something? No. Because she was so wrapped up in her little world of getting what she wanted. She was not aware of the outside world, her surroundings or anything else. She still gets like that when she gets wound up about something, or excited about something. When someone comes over, that she wants attention from (like a teenage boy), she goes into Meghan world. Everything becomes louder, more manic, and she becomes careless and unaware of her physical surroundings.

I have written about this before but since it goes with the subject I will mention it again. Meghan is so naive when it comes to strangers. She has no clue that there are bad people out there. We call her a happy puppy. She is a happy puppy because she reacts exactly like a happy puppy when someone (anyone) walks up to it and pets it. Or in her case, pays her any positive attention. A happy puppy rolls over, lets the stranger pet his stomach and then follows that stranger home if the master isn't paying close attention. Meghan is getting better, but she is still a happy puppy. She can go from 0 to 90 in about 3 seconds if someone (usually a man or older boy) pays attention to her.

I feel like I always have to be "on" to make sure she is behaving in a socially acceptable manner. Maybe I am expecting too much too soon. But I think that if she just calms down, and doesn't get so excited about everything that she can pay attention to what is going on around her. I wouldn't go so far as to say I suspect ADD or ADHD. But then again I am not an expert. It mostly seems that she is so not used to so many different things going on and she hasn't learned how to process things and deal with things. She is very interested in what everyone else is doing, or saying. She wants to be a part of every event and every conversation. I am realizing that I have been on a higher stress level since she came home because I am always on guard. Maybe I am the one that just needs to mellow out.

Now on a side note. She is really bonding well. She is way more attached to me than she used to be. I think this summer of staying home, swimming and hanging out has been really good for us.