Tom and I have noticed, and after talking to friends who adopted a 6 year old from Russia last year they agree, that adopting a child, no matter how old, that has spent most of her life in an orphanage is like having a toddler, only worse. A toddler that you have raised since birth knows who you are, responds to certain tones of your voice and basically loves you and wants to please you, well, most of the time. A newly arrived orphanage raised international adoptee really has no clue who you are, what a mother or a father really is, let alone how to read subtle signals like the tone of your voice or a displeasing look. When they are turning on the stove and you are explaining to them that no, that is dangerous and hot and you are not to touch this....they look at you like you are speaking a foreign language (because you are) and cannot understand why they cannot turn these dials, or push these buttons. Everything is new to them. Through their eyes the mundane is a wonderland.
Here are some of the firsts that we take for granted that Meghan has experienced her first week home. Some are welcomed experiences, some not so much.
Dog kisses. She was terrified of them at first now she won't leave them alone.
Walking on sand barefoot.
Shaving cream, watching daddy shave just thrilled her.
Peanut butter and jelly.
Seat belts and booster seats. Hated them, now she's used to them.
Razor scooters and bike helmets.
Playing outside.Sleeping in a bed.
Video Cameras.
Sitting at the table through a meal- not her strong point.
The Mac. Photo booth is one of her favorites.
Taking a bubble bath.
Light up tennis shoes. Thrilled with them.
English, slowly.
Praying - has no clue what we are doing.
Brothers.
Mommy.
Daddy.
Tomorrow is her first day at church. We are taking bets on how long she can sit in the service before one of us has to leave with her. We can't turn her lose on the children's program yet, you know, volunteers are hard to come by.
Oh so many changes for such a little girl, just to see her smile must make you so happy during this transition process. I never asked... were you able to learn a little Mandarin to communicate a bit with her? If so has that helped at all? Your list of firsts is so revealing. Really made me think. Hard to even begin to imagine how overwhelming all this is for her. Great that you're aware and are taking the necessary baby steps to lead her through all these new moments.
ReplyDeleteDid your agency offer classes that might help you and your daughter with all of these changes? Even though we were adopting an infant, we were required to take classes that explained adjustment issues, which include language, sensory, foods, and all sorts of helpful information. Everything is brand new to your daughter, so just take it one day at a time. And you're right that she is comparable to a toddler, because our daughter was comparable to a newborn even though she was 8 months. It's not going to be easy, but in the end, it is worth all of the stress and frustration.
ReplyDeleteHope the day went well for everyone today! :)
ReplyDeleteMichelle,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand and remember those moments, the wonderful and difficult ones, very well. PLEASE call me if you ever want to talk or just need someone to listen. It really made a difference for me to have someone who had been there. Praying for you guys and especially Meghan. Her world has been turned upside down, for a great blessing, but still her entire life is overloaded from the moment she wakes up and even through her sleep. I meant to tell you that headaches are very common and normal during the first 6 months but can last up to a year. Long explanation but it has to do with their constant decoding trying to figure everything out and communicate.
Much love and prayers,
Tammy
Hi, I came across your blog from another blog. I can't wait to follow your journey. We have considred adopting an older child but our latest has been challenging . So the verditct is still out.
ReplyDeleteVictoria
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